For February being such a short month, it began in the middle of such an incredible high and ended in full bodied lows. While I came out of it with a few bruises, I’ve also emerged with a better understanding of myself. During the low, at points it felt like I was in a free fall and almost nothing could go right. And a parking ticket?? Really? I felt the need to grab onto things in order to rationalize and cope with the situation I was dropped into; it got to the point where I began to pick away at myself and the accomplishments I’ve achieved and the efforts I’ve made – and why? I have been building this incredibly dynamic person for the past twenty-eight years and this one month shouldn’t come in and undo all of that work and dedication.
And slowly my feelings of defeat developed into defiance, which is a feeling I am much more familiar with and accustomed to. I have never known myself to be the overly emotional, unsure type; I have always felt secure in being nonchalant, logical, and pretty damned stubborn. With the reemergence of these traits in full swing, I have begun to dive back into the foundations of myself; to rediscover things that struck a chord deep within me years and years ago. And while I feel that many people want to leave their “old self” behind, mine is a girl I would like to know again; irreverent and unconcerned, clear-headed and focused. One constant that has followed me through everything has been music. It is the thing that has been with me during any and all points of my life. It has healed me, lifted me – resurrected me on countless occasions. And while many people may choose to fight the urge to fall back into past methods, I happily let myself go under this current and let it take me away.
Perhaps I can think of it as theshipsisle intentionally capsizing in order to rise again.
An aquatic phoenix.